This was one of those moments...
Jesus has been impressing on my heart this week how similar His love for me is in comparison to my love as a mother towards William. I'm not even gonna' sugar coat it - last week was the hardest week of parenting I have ever faced. William was sick AND teething and totally miserable and inconsolable for about seven days. I covet you if you are a parent of child who can "do" sick well, but William cannot. He is the crankiest, neediest, most indecisive sick child I have ever met, which is why I am so glad he hardly ever gets sick. But when he does, he is SICK y'all and he wants everyone around him to know it. My in-laws graciously asked if there was anything they could do, but I wouldn't subject my worst enemy to the wiles of a toddler with a bad attitude. So Nathan and I hunkered down (mind you, we were both sick too) and parented as a team. What else can you do in a situation like that?
Trying a Popsicle to help his sore throat
Nothing takes the blues away quite like a bowl of strawberries with whipped cream topping.
Anyway. Fast-forward to Friday morning when I was dreading another day of screaming. I was sitting on the couch before the sun came up having some quiet time with Jesus, already anticipating the hardness of my day to come the minute I went in to get William out of bed. Of course, my devotion for that day was on grace, and God spoke these words into my tired, mother heart:
"Rachel - remember all those years when you rejected me? Didn't want anything to do with me? Pushed away my love during your pain and tried to ease it by having your own version of a tantrum? And remember what my response was in return? I pursued you. I loved you. I drew you in. I showered you with grace."
A little indoor painting fun
And then I thought back over the past few days with my boy - how every time he pushed me away, I pulled him closer. How when he was indecisive I helped him make decisions. How when he was in so much pain he couldn't sleep, I rocked him gently and let him sleep on me. How when I thought I was at my breaking point, I got down in the floor and played cars with him to distract him for 5 seconds. How every morning through his tears of wanting desperately to eat but being in too much pain to eat, I wiped his tears away with my kisses and whispered "I love you. I love you. I love you." over and over and over again.
Another day in our pajamas - this time reading the comic section of the paper ;)
Every new day in this mothering journey I come face-to-face with Jesus' love for me. I'll be honest, I have never really quite grasped it much like I have since becoming a mom. It is an all-consuming, crazy kind of love. The kind that keeps going even when it doesn't make sense, even when exhaustion sets in and even when there are no "I'm sorry's" to be heard. And the craziest thing is? This love I have for William is just a glimpse into the Father's love for us. It doesn't even scratch the surface of how deep, everlasting, long-suffering, gentle and constant God's love is for me. How might my home, life, and world look if I tried to love a little more like that? This is my prayer today.
Back to normal! :)